Above quote from Gatsby. Channeling some F. Scott Fitzgerald because I’m in that sort of mood.
I’m allowed to change my mind; I’m human.
Being a human means that I’m also allowed to get things wrong from time to time (OK, quite a lot) and that doesn’t make me a bad friend or a terrible person.
I might not have had the best start in life where friendship is concerned but that doesn’t mean that I have to spend the rest of my life failing at it. I didn’t start playing Candy Crush until I was in my twenties, but I’m practically a pro at that now.
The bottom line is that I love my friends. I would, and try to, do anything for them. If they need me, I want to be there. So what if I get anxious and want to check they’re OK? So what if sometimes I call twice in a row and leave messages both times? I’m not doing that to upset people, I’m doing it because I really, really care.
Worrying about someone because you love them isn’t a weakness; it’s a strength. An uncomfortable strength, definitely yes, but a strength all the same.
Not texting sometimes because I’m worried that I won’t get a reply is selfish, but sometimes everybody has to be for their own OK-ness.
The person who said that, if things keep going wrong, I need to look at myself was absolutely right. I’ve looked at myself, and I’m trying my absolute hardest.
To everybody who feels the same as me – I owe you an apology. I’m sorry if I made you feel like a bad friend. For goodness sake, text your friends a million times a day if needs be. Don’t let insecurity about who you are affect how lovely and loving and kind and caring and friendly you are.
The message, as always, is: be you.
I am me, and I’m not going to change because a badger doesn’t change his stripes.
So text me, bitchez.
