Do Something Different

I am the least sociable person I know.  I would far rather hide away in my room with an episode of Holby City than go out and talk to people. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being with other people, it’s just that I am scared of saying the wrong thing; not being the right […]

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The memory of recovery

One of the hardest parts (another one of the hardest parts – recovery is difficult) of recovery is that you don’t know who you are yet. It’s like being asked to give up your current life, job, friends, family and move to another country to start all over again. You might love it but, then again, […]

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The Art of Is

It’s World Mental Health Day. I have thoughts and feelings about this, but that’s not why I’m writing, so I am going to push those to one side whilst I write what I’m actually thinking about. For a long time, my OCD (or anxiety, or something) has stopped me from writing about my achievements. I […]

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A Week to Turn It Around

‘If you don’t gain some weight before your next appointment, there’s a bed waiting for you in hospital.’ How many people living with an eating disorder have heard this? I was driving to work this morning and thinking about how unfair this is. Is there any other illness where you’re threatened with a hospital admission? […]

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Take the Leap

When I was stuck in the revolting, painful cycle of restriction before my admission, I used to sit up in the middle of the night typing out ‘if not now then when?’ onto endless Word documents. The problem was that I had no intention – however much I desperately wanted to get better – of […]

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You Can Do Anything

So, it’s Friday morning and I’m sitting backwards in a circle of fifty people whilst someone occasionally squeezes my shoulders. I am also sobbing (not so) quietly to myself. I’ve been away. For those of you who have known me for some time, you will know that this is a┬ábig thing. I do not leave […]

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