I walk down corridors at work with ‘resting anxiety face’ and my arms crossed across my chest in a sort of strange and protective manner. This is not because I think I’m about to be attacked, but because I am constantly frightened that I have upset everyone and that everyone is cross with me and […]Read More Are you cross with me?
Mental health awareness week whatever. Whenever it is, there is only one way to get through mental illness, and that is to fight. There will be people reading this thinking ‘oh it’s not me – I’m too ill/not worth enough/not ill enough to fight’. I mean you. And if you’re thinking any one of those […]Read More A Call to Arms
Mental illness is exhausting – there’s no doubt about it. It’s like having a new puppy that demands constant attention and never grows up. Every time you think it’s settled for a while, it wakes up and cries, or demands to be fed, or wees on your new rug. It can be – and is […]Read More Life After
I have never really been anywhere. Well, obviously I have, but I have never travelled away from what I know to find myself. I am one of those people who watches TV. I have a chair and a blanket and some crocheting to be getting on with and I love to have something – anything […]Read More The Journey Home
I’m going to be honest. I’m not in a good place at the moment. Physically, I know that I’m the furthest away from what I should be that I have been since I was discharged from hospital. Mentally, I’m never so sure, because I always feel that – when I get to the point that […]Read More The Rabbit Hole
I had a dentist appointment on Monday. Strictly speaking, I should have had a dentist appointment some time before that but I had been putting it off. I know that ‘suck it up’ is a pretty good way to get through things you don’t want to do, but the dentist just takes the biscuit. She […]Read More Appointment Fatigue
Three years ago today, I was discharged from inpatient care. It was a sunny day, although all I really remember is how bizarre it felt, and how scared I was of being launched into the outside world. I’ve reminded myself of this a couple of times today – it gives me a little thrill of […]Read More Triennial
We are getting good at talking. At least, we are better than used to be. We can talk in our workplaces, our homes, our schools and with our friends. We can talk because we are brave. We can talk because – sometimes – we have no choice. We can talk because it’s the only way […]Read More Listen out Loud
I’ve got nothing to say today apart from the fact that I’m sorry and thank you so much for sticking around. Christmas really knocked me. I didn’t cope as well as I thought I might; it wasn’t the perfect family Christmas that I had wanted. It made me miserable. I have been miserable, and probably […]Read More Forgetting to Fight – or – sorry I’ve been a bit of a twit
Once upon a time, I was the last person in the world to see Frozen. It was a horrible year: my best friends went to see it together, without me and I was alone. I can’t remember now – through the haze and fog of anorexia – whether it was the Christmas Eve of the […]Read More Do You Want to Build a Snowman?