The Art of Is

It’s World Mental Health Day. I have thoughts and feelings about this, but that’s not why I’m writing, so I am going to push those to one side whilst I write what I’m actually thinking about. For a long time, my OCD (or anxiety, or something) has stopped me from writing about my achievements. I […]

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A Week to Turn It Around

‘If you don’t gain some weight before your next appointment, there’s a bed waiting for you in hospital.’ How many people living with an eating disorder have heard this? I was driving to work this morning and thinking about how unfair this is. Is there any other illness where you’re threatened with a hospital admission? […]

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Take the Leap

When I was stuck in the revolting, painful cycle of restriction before my admission, I used to sit up in the middle of the night typing out ‘if not now then when?’ onto endless Word documents. The problem was that I had no intention – however much I desperately wanted to get better – of […]

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You Can Do Anything

So, it’s Friday morning and I’m sitting backwards in a circle of fifty people whilst someone occasionally squeezes my shoulders. I am also sobbing (not so) quietly to myself. I’ve been away. For those of you who have known me for some time, you will know that this is a big thing. I do not leave […]

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Metaphorically Recovering

Recovery is not a metaphor. It is not a snail coming out of its shell. It is not beautiful; or perfect; or miraculous. It is bloody hard work. It is not the beginning of something, nor the end. It is the continuation of you. It is not a declaration of peace and tranquility; or of […]

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Why You Should Never Shut Up

Something I saw on social media just made me think. When I think, I write. I was bullied at school. This is something you probably already know. Some of you were those bullies. What I’ve just remembered is being eleven years old. I remember getting off the school bus in the morning. My face still […]

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A Message for a Drizzly Day

It appears to be thinking Sunday morning again. I am not going to lie: it’s the end of term and I’m so, so, so tired and when I’m tired stuff is hard. This week, because life is so utterly rubbish sometimes, I have this to say: For me, the hardest bit of recovery is the middle […]

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