At the beginning of this year, I wrote a blog post about how I was going to do things differently in 2019. As I remember it, I was going to take up yoga and stop drinking. I had a vision of becoming a sort of self-possessed highly spiritual being. I forgot that I can’t carry […]Read More Small Changes
It makes me feel more than a little sick when I think that – at the time we were watching important men in expensive suits argue – thirty-nine people were boarding a lorry, hoping to start a new life in the United Kingdom; that – at the time we were fretting about the Irish backstop […]Read More Why it’s time we stopped being so spoilt and listened to ourselves.
I’ve written about bullying before. I’ve spent thousands of hours thinking about bullying and, in particular, my experience with bullying. Last night, I watched Jesy Nelson’s documentary Odd One Out. I was struck by how profoundly emotional and moving it was; how many home truths it hits. Because it’s true: once someone has been bullied, […]Read More The Unforgivable Curse
When I started this blog, I promised (if not to anyone who may happen upon the site, to myself), that it would be real. There tends to be a view, made worse by the media, that Anorexia – if not a lifestyle choice where people eat cauliflowers moulded into different carbohydrates and crack vegan eggs […]Read More The (Com)promise
I am going to begin honestly, because honesty is what I have always strived to do on this blog. Honesty – apart from food – is the main weapon in this fight. Things haven’t gone quite so well recently. At the end of term, I was referred back to the Eating Disorder Services. This is […]Read More Honey from Blossoms
Life changes every day. This is why I cannot and will not ever believe that suicide is the right answer. This is why you have to hold on tight. This is why you have to stay alive. I’m not going to lie: the past few weeks have been tough. A couple of weeks ago, I […]Read More Suicide and the importance of waiting
I haven’t got much to say today apart from that it’s four years since I made the choice to start eating again. To sit in the Dining Room on a blistering hot day and to finish the food in front of me. To recover. It wasn’t perfect and it’s not perfect. It’s not always even […]Read More July 1st
I think I’ve cracked happiness. Well, I mean, I’ve not cracked it in a recipe type way because then I’d be either constantly elated or very rich (or both), but I think I’m a bit closer to understanding one of the basic principles. I think I finally understand where I’ve been going wrong. When you […]Read More Happiness
I walk down corridors at work with ‘resting anxiety face’ and my arms crossed across my chest in a sort of strange and protective manner. This is not because I think I’m about to be attacked, but because I am constantly frightened that I have upset everyone and that everyone is cross with me and […]Read More Are you cross with me?
Mousling, mousling oh so smallYou are barely there at allYet when you squeak you must be heardWho made this contrast, so absurd? Was it in the black of nightWhere eyes were formed, so button bright?Who rolled your tail thin and long,Curved and fluid like a song? And what tender hand and giftCould make your movements […]Read More Mousling (ie doesn’t fit on this blog but I did something so…)