Music

I have tried and tried and tried again to write about music. It’s funny, but I don’t feel like someone for whom music should be special. I am not musical myself, and I have never ever managed to find a genre with which I truly resonate. I am, perhaps, a musical butterfly. Maybe I don’t […]

For Every Season

Imagine that you’re shining a torch on an orange. Actually, don’t bother: I tried that and it gets confusing when you’ve got shaky hands. Imagine Space. The Milky Way, to be precise, because doing the whole thing in one go is quite hard. Zoom in and you’ll find our Solar System. There, you’ll find eight […]

The Art of Is

It’s World Mental Health Day. I have thoughts and feelings about this, but that’s not why I’m writing, so I am going to push those to one side whilst I write what I’m actually thinking about. For a long time, my OCD (or anxiety, or something) has stopped me from writing about my achievements. I […]

A Week to Turn It Around

‘If you don’t gain some weight before your next appointment, there’s a bed waiting for you in hospital.’ How many people living with an eating disorder have heard this? I was driving to work this morning and thinking about how unfair this is. Is there any other illness where you’re threatened with a hospital admission? […]

Take the Leap

When I was stuck in the revolting, painful cycle of restriction before my admission, I used to sit up in the middle of the night typing out ‘if not now then when?’ onto endless Word documents. The problem was that I had no intention – however much I desperately wanted to get better – of […]

You Can Do Anything

So, it’s Friday morning and I’m sitting backwards in a circle of fifty people whilst someone occasionally squeezes my shoulders. I am also sobbing (not so) quietly to myself. I’ve been away. For those of you who have known me for some time, you will know that this is a big thing. I do not leave […]

Metaphorically Recovering

Recovery is not a metaphor. It is not a snail coming out of its shell. It is not beautiful; or perfect; or miraculous. It is bloody hard work. It is not the beginning of something, nor the end. It is the continuation of you. It is not a declaration of peace and tranquility; or of […]