I remember going into the Group Room when I was inpatient and reading some notes from a staff training day which had been left out by accident. On a list of ‘hard things about this job’, someone had written ‘some people will never get better’. It’s true. Some people will never recover from a mental […]Read More Is it time to change the focus of mental health awareness week?
When we found out that Covid-19 was a thing, it was pretty anxiety provoking. When we found out that Coronavirus was on its way to us, we reached various states of panic. Different for each of us, of course, but I doubt there were many people who didn’t lie in bed at least once thinking […]Read More Anxiety in the time of Coronavirus
It has been a long, hard winter. A winter of restriction and of desperation; a winter where I returned to starvation because I thought – yet again – I had found the answer in my own diminishment, where I strove for a painful state of perfect. The winter was concrete grey. Flat. And now, we […]Read More April 2020
At the beginning of this year, I wrote a blog post about how I was going to do things differently in 2019. As I remember it, I was going to take up yoga and stop drinking. I had a vision of becoming a sort of self-possessed highly spiritual being. I forgot that I can’t carry […]Read More Small Changes
I am going to begin honestly, because honesty is what I have always strived to do on this blog. Honesty – apart from food – is the main weapon in this fight. Things haven’t gone quite so well recently. At the end of term, I was referred back to the Eating Disorder Services. This is […]Read More Honey from Blossoms
Life changes every day. This is why I cannot and will not ever believe that suicide is the right answer. This is why you have to hold on tight. This is why you have to stay alive. I’m not going to lie: the past few weeks have been tough. A couple of weeks ago, I […]Read More Suicide and the importance of waiting
I think I’ve cracked happiness. Well, I mean, I’ve not cracked it in a recipe type way because then I’d be either constantly elated or very rich (or both), but I think I’m a bit closer to understanding one of the basic principles. I think I finally understand where I’ve been going wrong. When you […]Read More Happiness