…keep going…[or] the worst day of my life and the pain it left that has since got less painful

I can’t remember the conversation I had with the child. I can’t even remember whether the child was a boy or a girl. But I know the child’s mother came back from wherever she had been – probably the toilet – and called the child away. I was weird.  I had just thrown a whole […]

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Animal Brains and Armies

I’ve had a difficult week this week. I have described it to myself like this: a switch in my head flicked, possibly around Wednesday, and my animal brain took over. Unfortunately, it appears that my animal brain is the part that controls my anorexia. It will be hard to understand for people whose brains simply […]

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Random Acts of Kindness

There was a time, when I was in third year at university, that my friendships had gone a bit wrong. I was lonely, confused, frightened and very, very sad. There was a boy in my year, who I didn’t know particularly know, but knew well enough to have a conversation with. As I sat, crying, […]

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Clinging on to Anorexia

I’ve written about this before, but it’s something that I can never quite put my finger on. As much as I draft and redraft, analogise and explain, I can’t quite say what’s in my brain. The following is complete brain-splurge in the faint hope that some of it will make a little bit of sense. […]

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Bitchy Girls

There is nothing worse than a bitchy girl. I haven’t got much to say on this subject, apart from the fact that I haven’t got time for bitchy girls anymore. I can’t be bothered to waste my time on people who are my best friend and love me very much one day and then, the next, […]

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What is “Recovery”?

This is a topic I keep returning to. It’s something that I think about in bed; in the shower; whilst I’m at work, and also something that my therapist asks me every time I see her. What do I want to achieve? What are my goals? This is scary for two reasons. Reason Number One is that I honestly […]

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Shahaznay the Anxiety Cat

“Basically,”, says one of my besties and wise woman of the forest, “Your anxiety is actually a tiny weeny cat bitch in your head called Shahaznay and Shahaznay basically wants you to hate yourself and tells you everyone hates you and thinks you’ve been a dick. But, then, what you have to do it be […]

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Ana-who?

Anorexia is not a life choice. Recovery is. That’s the best thing about it – you can choose it. And if you forget to choose recovery one day, you can still choose recovery again the next. Also, it’s amazing. I’m not saying, of course, that it’s always fantastic and wonderful and skipping through the daises […]

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