I had sort of been aware of the fasting apps being advertised on Facebook and Instagram, I suppose. I was aware that they were there, but it hadn’t really twigged because my pages always seem full of advertisements for diets (I guess that this is because I am a twenty-eight year old female who spends […]Read More What happened when I, someone with an eating disorder, downloaded popular fasting apps.
It has been a long, hard winter. A winter of restriction and of desperation; a winter where I returned to starvation because I thought – yet again – I had found the answer in my own diminishment, where I strove for a painful state of perfect. The winter was concrete grey. Flat. And now, we […]Read More April 2020
When I started this blog, I promised (if not to anyone who may happen upon the site, to myself), that it would be real. There tends to be a view, made worse by the media, that Anorexia – if not a lifestyle choice where people eat cauliflowers moulded into different carbohydrates and crack vegan eggs […]Read More The (Com)promise
Life changes every day. This is why I cannot and will not ever believe that suicide is the right answer. This is why you have to hold on tight. This is why you have to stay alive. I’m not going to lie: the past few weeks have been tough. A couple of weeks ago, I […]Read More Suicide and the importance of waiting
I think I’ve cracked happiness. Well, I mean, I’ve not cracked it in a recipe type way because then I’d be either constantly elated or very rich (or both), but I think I’m a bit closer to understanding one of the basic principles. I think I finally understand where I’ve been going wrong. When you […]Read More Happiness
I walk down corridors at work with ‘resting anxiety face’ and my arms crossed across my chest in a sort of strange and protective manner. This is not because I think I’m about to be attacked, but because I am constantly frightened that I have upset everyone and that everyone is cross with me and […]Read More Are you cross with me?
I’ve written about it before. Heck, I’ve written about most of it before because mental illness is mainly just that: the same twisted thoughts swimming around your head until you want them out. It’s been in the news again this week that another teenager has made the heartbreaking decision to end her own life after […]Read More The things I can’t ‘leave in the past’
I’m going to be honest. I’m not in a good place at the moment. Physically, I know that I’m the furthest away from what I should be that I have been since I was discharged from hospital. Mentally, I’m never so sure, because I always feel that – when I get to the point that […]Read More The Rabbit Hole
Before I start, I want to say that – if you are living with PTSD – this is not about you. I think you’re brave and strong for coping with such a horrendous illness day in, day out and you deserve all the warnings you need to get through life. Trigger warnings, for the uninitiated, […]Read More Triggered
I had a dentist appointment on Monday. Strictly speaking, I should have had a dentist appointment some time before that but I had been putting it off. I know that ‘suck it up’ is a pretty good way to get through things you don’t want to do, but the dentist just takes the biscuit. She […]Read More Appointment Fatigue