Do Something Different

I am the least sociable person I know.  I would far rather hide away in my room with an episode of Holby City than go out and talk to people. It’s not that I don’t enjoy being with other people, it’s just that I am scared of saying the wrong thing; not being the right […]

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The memory of recovery

One of the hardest parts (another one of the hardest parts – recovery is difficult) of recovery is that you don’t know who you are yet. It’s like being asked to give up your current life, job, friends, family and move to another country to start all over again. You might love it but, then again, […]

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For Every Season

Imagine that you’re shining a torch on an orange. Actually, don’t bother: I tried that and it gets confusing when you’ve got shaky hands. Imagine Space. The Milky Way, to be precise, because doing the whole thing in one go is quite hard. Zoom in and you’ll find our Solar System. There, you’ll find eight […]

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Take the Leap

When I was stuck in the revolting, painful cycle of restriction before my admission, I used to sit up in the middle of the night typing out ‘if not now then when?’ onto endless Word documents. The problem was that I had no intention – however much I desperately wanted to get better – of […]

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Metaphorically Recovering

Recovery is not a metaphor. It is not a snail coming out of its shell. It is not beautiful; or perfect; or miraculous. It is bloody hard work. It is not the beginning of something, nor the end. It is the continuation of you. It is not a declaration of peace and tranquility; or of […]

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On Choice (Again)

I think the least controversial way that I could possibly start a blog post is by saying that Anorexia Nervosa is a rubbish, awful, horrible illness. I would go as far as to say that it is so awful; so destroying, that it is generally understood that Anorexia is neither a choice nor a desire. […]

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Animal Brains and Armies

I’ve had a difficult week this week. I have described it to myself like this: a switch in my head flicked, possibly around Wednesday, and my animal brain took over. Unfortunately, it appears that my animal brain is the part that controls my anorexia. It will be hard to understand for people whose brains simply […]

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Boundaries

I think most people would agree that, in many ways, rules are entirely unhelpful in recovering from Anorexia, the wider canon of eating disorders and many mental health conditions. It seems somewhat counter-intuitive to replace one set of ill-advised, damaging rules with any others. For someone who has spent years, or even decades, living inside […]

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About the Food

The current trend is for everyone to say that anorexia isn’t ‘about the food’. That’s what people say when they’re trying to sound knowledgeable and as though they have an insider perspective on what’s going on inside your head. Personally – and you have every right to disagree with me – I think that it’s […]

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