Take the Leap

When I was stuck in the revolting, painful cycle of restriction before my admission, I used to sit up in the middle of the night typing out ‘if not now then when?’ onto endless Word documents. The problem was that I had no intention – however much I desperately wanted to get better – of […]

Read More Take the Leap

Metaphorically Recovering

Recovery is not a metaphor. It is not a snail coming out of its shell. It is not beautiful; or perfect; or miraculous. It is bloody hard work. It is not the beginning of something, nor the end. It is the continuation of you. It is not a declaration of peace and tranquility; or of […]

Read More Metaphorically Recovering

On Choice (Again)

I think the least controversial way that I could possibly start a blog post is by saying that Anorexia Nervosa is a rubbish, awful, horrible illness. I would go as far as to say that it is so awful; so destroying, that it is generally understood that Anorexia is neither a choice nor a desire. […]

Read More On Choice (Again)

Animal Brains and Armies

I’ve had a difficult week this week. I have described it to myself like this: a switch in my head flicked, possibly around Wednesday, and my animal brain took over. Unfortunately, it appears that my animal brain is the part that controls my anorexia. It will be hard to understand for people whose brains simply […]

Read More Animal Brains and Armies

Boundaries

I think most people would agree that, in many ways, rules are entirely unhelpful in recovering from Anorexia, the wider canon of eating disorders and many mental health conditions. It seems somewhat counter-intuitive to replace one set of ill-advised, damaging rules with any others. For someone who has spent years, or even decades, living inside […]

Read More Boundaries

About the Food

The current trend is for everyone to say that anorexia isn’t ‘about the food’. That’s what people say when they’re trying to sound knowledgeable and as though they have an insider perspective on what’s going on inside your head. Personally – and you have every right to disagree with me – I think that it’s […]

Read More About the Food

My life in squares

I have always been jealous of people with hobbies. People who are naturally talented at something and can share it with others; spend their time creating things or achieving things whilst gaining satisfaction from the process. This has never been me – as my Mum once said, my greatest talent is my ‘enthusiasm’. This is […]

Read More My life in squares